Every Road That I Could Take
by LuciaJay
Summary: Tobias is dead inside. She said she would never leave. She promised. Why would she? How could she? Six years later, the Erudite scientists are working on something that could mend Tobias's heart, or break it again. *PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVEN'T READ ALLEGIANT*


*** In this story the Allegiant epilogue never happened. Uriah is not dead because I missed him too much. It is about two weeks after Tris has died. Thank you for reading!*  
**

**Disclaimer- All characters and ideas are not mine. They are the amazing Veronica Roth's brainchildren.**

**Chapter Song- Something I need, OneRepublic**

_If you only die once,_

_I wanna die with you._

The roof's door opens.

I hear Christina's voice from behind me.

"Tobias!"

"Tobias what are you doing out here?"

I hear her footsteps coming closer.

"Did you hear me? C'mon its freezing out here! Come back down!"

I dont answer, or make a move.

She's not leaving.

She knows how hard it is for me to be inside with all of our friends, all of her friends.

Their rowdiness astonishes me. They are celebrating the end of the war; the revolution that tore us apart, then mended us together.

They are celebrating_ her._

She who gave up everything for the peace of our city. Our own blond, blue-eyed maytr.

No she didn't give anything up. She_ chose_ to go-to leave me behind.

Tris never was considerate of others when making choices.

But that's just the thing isn't it? She WAS considerate of others. She took Caleb's place so he wouldnt die of guilt; in vain, in her opinion. She knew she could do what others couldn't-survive the death serum. Noone else has been known to be able to survive it. But she didn't survive did she?

She thought of others more than she thought of herself. A true Abnegation.

_Then why didn't she think of me?_

Why didn't she think of how much pain and guilt she would cause me? The guilt is the worst. It has settled on my heart like the first real snowfall on a chilly November.

My heart is ice.

She made it this way. It has always been her choice.

Christina now stands next to me, staring out at the city, now submerged in the light of the new day.

"Its beautiful isn't it?"

Her question suprises me.

"Yes. It is," I say dumbly.

"Sometimes I like to come up here to look at the stars. They seem so much closer when you're up here," she says.

"So much closer to them."

I immediately know that was the wrong thing to say.

Before I can apologize she says:

"You know she didn't want to leave. None of them did. They all died for the good of our city. Our future."

What is my future without her? I ask myself, the same question I have asked myself everyday.

"I know," I say hoarsly.

We stand there, staring through the snow, until the sun is well above the horizon.

"HEY! what're you guys doing out here?"

Uriah comes jogging next to me, limping a bit. He hasn't been using his crutch.

"Where's your crutch?" I say.

"Oh, I broke it. Slowed me down, y'know?"

"You're an idiot y'know," Christina says, mocking him.

He sticks out his tongue at her.

I smile a little.

"Is it that hard to tell a guy where you're goin'?" He says "I almost picked a fight with Drake!" He's reffering to the huge, burly Dauntless guard who has always called him "lil' tyke."

"What would you need me for?" I ask, although I think I know the answer.

"Oh… just in case I needed someone to, um, beat him up…for me," he says.

Yep.

"Oh so a big, bad Dauntless born like yourself couldnt take on Drake?" Christina says with mock suprise.

They love to tease eachother, just like she and I did.

He puffs out his small, but strong chest.

"Oh I could, but I wouldn't want to strain myself now would I?" he says, winking at her.

This is too much.

"Alright guys, I'm going down to get some sleep. I would tell you to come down too, but you two seem perfectly comfortable up here."

They both blush.

I forget that I have a sense of humor sometimes.

…..  
I walk past my new room. My feet always seem to carry me to the room that I had when I was still training initiates. The room that was home. The room where we shared the same bed for the first time, comforting each other.

They thought it would be better that I stayed away from that wing entirely.

I have to be careful. I can't slip up again. They'll put me under the sleep serum again. That man who used her name in vain is still in the infirmary with critical head trauma. I just wish I could stop hurting people. But that's what I do, its what I'm best at. Its what I taught.

I walk back down to my new room. It smells like bleach, but I don't mind much. It reminds me of my house in Abnegation.

I look in the mirror. I look terrible. My lips are blue from being outside.

There is a knock on the door. I open it.

Cara is standing there with a mug of something warm. Tea? Maybe. Dauntless don't really drink the stuff, and usually when we do it is bitter and scalding. But I accept it gratefully. I really am freezing.

"I thought you would need this. I didnt want to bother you, but I noticed when you went outside," she says, biting her lip nervously. She has been very considerate these past two weeks.

Has it really only been two weeks?

"Thank you," I say hoarsly. I bring the cup to my lips.

"Be careful it's-!"

I sputter, the tea leaving a burning trace on my tongue.

"Hot," she smiles, laughing slightly

"I noticed." I say, my tongue half hanging out of my mouth.

"Sorry 'bout that, I should've warned you." A trace of a giggle still on her face.

She looks me over.

"God Tobias, you need some sleep."

"Thank you for enlightening me, Cara. Such genius"

"Sorry." she says, uncommitted. "I think all of us would give anything for a good night's rest."

"Yes, well, the Dauntless do love partying," I say.

I forget that she's Erudite. She's not like most of them.

"I honestly don't know how you stand it."

"I don't. That's why I'm here and not with them They're insane."

She laughs. "Well I can see why. Now, get some rest. And take tomorrow to rest, you need it."

She turns and leaves.

I sit on the bed, it smells like detergent.

I realize that I forgot to thank her.

I rush to the door, hoping she isn't too far away.

"Thank you!" I call after her loudly.

"Don't mention it!" she yells back from deep in the hall.

I shut the door, putting the cup down, turning out the lights, and falling into bed.

For the first night in two weeks, I sleep without nightmares.


End file.
